As someone who has worked with kids, parents, teachers, and principals for the entirety of this century, I have heard the same slow and steady drumbeat of a complaint about “today’s” kids, and it has grown into an emergency cacophony of panic amongst a vast majority of the people I talk to who interact with kids. I share these concerns:
Kids today act as if they have no resilience, no ability or inclination to persevere, no problem-solving skills, and no interest in solving a problem, even if they knew how to solve the problem, which, again, is unlikely. They have no toughness, no willingness to strive, and seemingly no interest in doing anything.
Of course, these are generalizations, but after being around hundreds of thousands of kids during this century, these characterizations are indeed true of way too many and an ever-increasing number of kids.
Addressing how to change these trends and help adults to teach kids to not be this way is perhaps the central thrust of my life, and it is often the subject of this column, my lectures, and my book.
But, for now, let’s put all of that aside. Much of that involves so much effort, thinking, the changing of your own behavior, blah, blah, blah.
What if, instead of getting into all of that, there was a place where you could just send your offspring, that would fix all of these Dysfunctions of the Modern Kid? What if there was a magical place that, over time, would make your kid a more resilient problem-solver who would become a doer who learned to be tougher, and better, and more able to be successful and even happy in the world?
I’m here to tell you, this place exists. This place is real.
This place is called… outside.
Yes, outside! In addition, outside is free, and it’s oh-so-close by! In fact, it’s right outside.
But here’s the catch: outside will only give your kid these wonderful gifts of toughness, resilience, problem solving, and so on if your kid goes there….
without you.
Without you, your kid will be forced to solve problems (like how to cross a creek), be tough (by falling down and skinning her knee), strive (by beating another kid in an unmonitored, unrefereed game of basketball), learn to be part of a fair society (by calling his own fouls in that basketball game), and learn to deal with emotional, hard situations by being part of a terrible disagreement with a friend, with no adult to intervene.
All you have to do is let your kid go to this mystical, magical wonderland that lies just steps from a boring place called inside.
You may think I’m crazy for suggesting this, because, as we all know, the world today is more dangerous for kids than it ever has been.
That would be a great point if it were true, but it’s not, so it isn’t.
This may be hard for you to believe, especially if you spend time on social media. Your social media algorithm is designed to keep your attention by scaring you, making you feel better than others, and making you angry. So, regarding your kids, it will push “news” that will make you feel that your kids are in constant danger, that you are better than people who keep their kids less safe than you do, and that everyone is doing evil things to put your kids in danger because they are bad people.
Because of this, you will not be able to absorb the following facts, put here, in black and white, in a boring, old newspaper column. Because these facts will make no one scared, self-righteous, or angry, they will stay here, mostly unread.
From 1993 to 2022, non-lethal violent victimization of kids fell by 85%. Tapp, S. N., et al. (2024)
From 1975 to 2024, child pedestrian deaths for kids under 13 fell by 92% Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. (2026)
Because we live in a ridiculous world of anecdotal gotcha nonsense, here’s where I have to say to not send your toddler to the store for a stick of butter and to not have your infant ride the subway by herself. If you live in the alligator-trap-door section of your city, ignore this advice.
All of that said, when kids are allowed to be outside, uncontaminated by the presence of adults, they are able to let the forces of the world teach them how to be better, healthier, tougher people, who are more ready to take on the adventure called life.