How to Teach Responsibility to a High School Athlete

Dear Kid Whisperer,

My son is a high school basketball player who often forgets his basketball shoes and his practice clothes at home. He went from being apologetic and sheepish when he called me from school to ask me to bring him his stuff, to recently just leaving a message where he was angry at me for not answering and demanding that I bring him his gear immediately so he didn’t have to worry about it. I feel stuck because he needs his basketball stuff when he forgets it, but I feel like I’m not teaching him to be responsible when I come running every time. What do I do?

As a former irresponsible high school basketball player who once traveled to an away game as a high school senior without his high tops, I can relate.

So, believe me when I tell you that he does not need his basketball stuff. No one “needs” basketball stuff, unless “basketball stuff” is what you call air, food, water, or shelter. He’s not going to die without his basketball shoes.

You have three options:

Option #1

Just keep doing what you are doing. This will get him his gear but will also teach him that you are here to serve him and that he is not responsible for himself, and it may also teach him the lesson that there will always be a woman whose job it is to take care of him as if he was a little boy.

I wouldn’t suggest doing this one.

Option #2

This one is the medium option. It will be reasonably effective in teaching the lesson quickly. Here’s how I’d do it when your son calls.

Kid: Hello. I am calling for basketball gear service. I need it delivered immediately so as to not be traumatized. I always need to keep my socks close to my person or I get anxious.

Kid Whisperer: Yeesh. I’m afraid I charge $50 per basketball gear delivery. This makes these deliveries worth my time.

Kid: This is uncalled for and unprecedented! This is unfair! I will not stand for this! I was considering buying you a house when I made the NBA, but now that’s off the table! I cannot believe this!!!!

Kid Whisperer: While you were talking, I went in your room and got the fifty bucks out of your bank.

Kid: How dare you!!!!!!

Kid Whisperer: I’d be happy to put the money back if you would like to figure out a way to solve this problem at school.

Kid (after a pause): FINE! THIS IS SO STUPID!

Kid Whisperer: I’ll see you soon.

If you’d like to turn up the dial on how quickly he will become more responsible, simply increase your delivery fee.

Or, you could do the nuclear option. It’s utterly simple:

Option #3

Kid: I require my things. I require them now. Also, throw a sandwich into the delivery.

Kid Whisperer: Since I think that it’s stunting your growth as a person, I’ve decided not to bring you your things when you forget them anymore. You will have to figure out a solution at school.

Kid: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!! YOU WILL LEARN TO RESPECT ME!!!!! I AM GOING TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME IF YOU DO NOT LEARN HOW TO RESPECT MY AUTHORITY….

Kid Whisperer: I’m hanging up now. I love you!

Kid Whisperer hangs up and goes on living his life as usual.

It seems that your kid needs to learn some hard lessons. He does not need his basketball gear.