How Parents Can Reclaim Their Lives from Pay-to-Play Sports
Dear Kid Whisperer,
I’m struggling with my kids’ summer sports schedules. I have three kids, ages 10, 12, and 15, they are in three different sports, and two of the three travel during the summer. My wife and I have not seen much of each other this summer as we have been traveling with our individual kids doing their sports. Our family has been almost constantly separated for the last month. It is also taking a serious financial toll on our family. Doing this stuff has already seriously impacted the amount we are saving for college. When my third kid starts traveling, I really don’t think I’ll be able to afford it. Do you have any advice?
You seem to be wanting me to tell you that you should not have your kids in all of these traveling sports, and that is exactly what I’m going to do.
Pull your kids out of these sports.
Youth sports used to be about fun, fair play, competition, and character development. Now it’s about big business and big companies whose priorities do not include the health and well-being of your kids, or your financial situation.
These companies take advantage of and purposely perpetuate this “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality that makes parents feel like they’re bad parents if they don’t spend $5,000 per year to help their kid become a really good golfer.
And I’m not suggesting that kids not play sports. I love sports, and my days of playing organized basketball through the elementary school, middle school, summer camp, JV, and varsity levels were some of the best moments of my childhood. But nobody back then was paying sports science engineers to maximize 9-year-olds’ vertical leaps or putting middle school football players through a wind tunnel while pulling a parachute and taking vitals like the kid is Ivan Drago in Rocky IV.
Also, no one was driving kids across the country to play in baseball, basketball, or golf tournaments that cost parents many, many, thousands of dollars.
And, you know what? We somehow survived.
Not only did I survive, I was somehow able to develop a lifelong love of basketball that I still enjoy to this day.
This love was started when I became involved in a league called the local park. A bunch of guys would ride their bikes to the park and play basketball. We’d play with no adults present. We’d call our own fouls and settle our own disputes. If you lost, you were out, and five new guys would play the winners. We learned fair play, teamwork, and the value of hard work, and we got better at basketball and at being people. Similar games were played with touch and tackle football and soccer. No adults were there to bother us, and it was totally free.
By the way, if you are thinking, “But the world today is too dangerous for kids to be by themselves at a park,” you are incorrect. While, obviously, there will always be places that are dangerous, crime rates involving children are as low as they have ever been. Plus, just use common sense: do we really think 20 kids playing football in a park will all be simultaneously abducted? Please.
You should send your kids somewhere to play sports. That place is called “Outside.”
Coach them a bit if you want. Then send them to discover the world of unsupervised, uncurated, old-fashioned games and activities. Some kids will choose to play sports. Some kids will choose to sit around and gossip. Some kids will flirt with each other, and some kids will make up stories and some kids will tease each other. Some kids will ride bikes and make ramps and take risks.
We used to call this “childhood.”
Tell your kids to come back before it gets dark. Go back inside and live your best life as an adult. Watch TV. Exercise. Paint with watercolors. If you can still recognize her by sight, identify and talk to your wife.
I absolutely guarantee that your kids will learn more valuable lessons about life and have more fun by playing outside than if you were to curate the ultimate, white-glove, premium athletic luxury experience for them.