Don’t Allow Your Kids to Live Their Truth
I’ve seen a really scary change in how kids are raised over the course of the last quarter century as I’ve worked with parents as a teacher and principal and as a behavioral consultant.
In, I’m sort of guessing, an attempt to value the individuality of their kids (whatever that means), today’s parents often seem to be letting their offspring come up with their own system of beliefs and values, with the goal of having their kids “live their truth.” I’ve heard that phrase a lot.
Here’s the potential problem with that:
What if that truth is stupid?
Because it most likely is.
A kid is completely and totally incapable of creating their own cogent, functional code for living a quality, pro-social life. Even if they could do that, people cannot create their own truth. That’s not what truth is.
Again, I’m sort of guessing, but this “live your truth” nonsense seems to be coming from a philosophy that there is nothing that is really true, so you might as well just let your three-year-old pick his own beliefs, truths, morals, and value structure.
The reality is that the world is a big, challenging, and difficult place to be and that a toddler or a teenager or anyone in between is going to be challenged to create a healthy way of navigating the world under any circumstance. A kid learning how to properly move through the world without being given wisdom and guidance from their parents and other elders moves this task from “challenging” to “impossible.”
Good news: there are things that are true.
Also good news: philosophers, scientists, mathematicians, theologians, professors, and other wise people have been working on, arguing about, and figuring out what is true for 30,000 years—and they wrote stuff down! And people read it! And learned it!
They quibble about the details of course, but here’s some of what they found out. Here’s some basic TRUTH about how people, including your kids, should live their lives:
You should be kind and spread this kindness through good works.
You should aspire to be better so you can do more good works.
You should work hard.
You should face adversity, because adversity makes you stronger and better.
When you are stronger and better, you will be able to do more good works, and more able to spread your kindness.
Living your life according to these truths makes you a striver, a doer, and a positive force for good. Doing good things-- not talking about how good you are on social media, but actually doing these things-- lets a person experience the feeling of making progress. When human beings make progress, they feel good. This is biochemical: when people make progress, they get a boost in dopamine, which not only gives them a pleasurable feeling, but also makes them seek that feeling again, often through doing the same or similar good thing that they just did. Therefore, people can get addicted to making progress and doing good.
For your kids, these good works won’t be running a soup kitchen or curing cancer. It could be setting the table so that others can eat. It could be cooking the meal. It could be picking up a piece of trash and throwing it in the garbage. It could be doing the laundry, mopping the floor, or mowing the lawn. Later in life, it could be volunteering at a shelter for stray animals. As an adult, it may become choosing and doing a job that is all about good works. Someday, especially if your kid gets addicted to doing good, it may actually be running a soup kitchen, or actually curing cancer!
How much happier would everyone be, and how much better would the world be, if everyone was addicted to doing good things to make the world better?
It would be a much, much better world, with much happier people, and that’s the truth.